


Enough

by NoxFox03



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-09
Updated: 2014-02-09
Packaged: 2018-01-11 16:13:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1175114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoxFox03/pseuds/NoxFox03
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'You like girls, so much so that you have to sit in the middle of us in class so that you don't have a different heartbroken girl every lesson, weeping silently next to you, because you don't like to have damp sleeves' Remus arrives back at Hogwarts feeling distressed at the notion that he is in love with his best friend who, oh so clearly, isn't in love with him...RL/SB One-shot</p>
            </blockquote>





	Enough

It was a humid night... the rain was pounding on the windows of Gryffindor tower and Remus was struggling to shut down his incessant thoughts once again. He wished they would go away so he could carry on with his otherwise _relatively_ normal life.

Remus rolled onto his opposite side, partially because he was uncomfortable, mostly because he wanted to move, to walk, get rid of the frustrated pent up feeling, with the bonus of not being caught if he actually did start roaming the corridors. Prefect or not, a run in with the caretaker was never fun filled.

The thoughts had begun in the summer, maybe even before. He had no idea. Part of him felt like he had suppressed them for such a long time that he’d almost convinced himself that they weren’t there. Of course, during the summer he couldn’t talk about them to any of his family members, he just wasn’t that close. What would he actually have to say if he did? He didn’t know.

Yes, there had been the option of writing to Padfoot, Prongs or Wormtail but it was then sharing something, which he himself wasn’t entirely sure of. It was like thinking there was a fire, when really someone has just burnt the toast. Raising the alarm would make him look foolish if it was false. A part of him also knew that by telling someone, it would be a confirmation; a final nail in his soon to be social coffin. Merlin! What was he putting himself through?

Still the summer trundled on. Still the clarity which Remus had expected did not come. Was your brain not meant to work on problems subconsciously and produce a solution?! It didn’t and Remus found himself stepping onto the Hogwarts express just as confused, just as lonely as he had felt on those late nights, when the sun rose long before sleep came. It wasn’t that he didn’t have anyone, if anything he had become closer to the boys meeting up a few times with them in the holidays. He became closest to Sirius, exchanging letters on an almost daily basis. It felt strange if he didn’t receive anything for longer than three days, it felt even worse when Sirius’ Aunt Lucretia visited the Black household for the week, which meant that Sirius couldn’t write. It was then that Remus knew.

He was painfully aware now, as he heard Sirius breathing in the next bed. His feelings more intense than he’d ever remembered before he’d joined him and the other Marauders in the carriage on the Hogwarts express two weeks ago. Of course Sirius had been his usual playful self and every time he brushed past Remus or made eye contact, when re-enacting one of his more intense stories (usually involving him hooking up with yet another girl) Remus wanted to hug him, stroke his hair…kiss him. It was like a perverse battle of wills. Sirius was straight. Remus was so far into the closet, that he risked getting lost in Narnia. Who in Merlin’s beard could he talk to about that?

He sat up in bed as a particularly loud roar of thunder tore the sky open. It might clear the air, so it wasn’t so sticky and uncomfortable to get to sleep. Not that it would help much, though his pyjamas would stop clinging to him uncomfortably.

The most difficult part to accept wasn’t that he liked Sirius but that Sirius would never have any interest in him, no matter what he did or how close they had become. Sometimes, he didn’t know if it would hurt less not to be friends with him, or if he was lucky that he could be best friends with someone who he found so vibrant and refreshing. He couldn’t bring himself to talk to Peter or James about it. He couldn’t really gauge their reaction and it might make things unnecessarily awkward.

Finally Remus rose. He would have a walk to the toilet and back and it might make him feel more drowsy and able to sleep. He was just about to leave the toilets when a very drowsy and still drunk Sirius, from the Firewhiskey, which he had proudly unveiled a few hours ago in the dorm, strolled in.

‘Alright Moony? You sounded like you were having trouble sleeping earlier, even though it is your favourite time of the night.’ Sirius smirked, looking directly at Remus

Remus felt his stomach drop slightly; part of him was thrilled that Sirius had noticed he had trouble sleeping and the eye twinkle and smirk made him want to hug him so much.

‘Oh you know. It’s just a warm night…’

‘Be even warmer if I climbed into your bed,’ Sirius replied, winking at Remus playfully.

Remus, who was forever unprepared for Sirius’ jokes, was glad the bathroom was so dark; he also felt an urge to cover his crotch area but didn’t want to make any movement lest he make it too obvious.

‘Aww, I thought James had already warmed yours for you,’ Remus replied with as much audacity as he could muster.

‘Touché, Moony, touché.’

‘Anyway I’m off to…’ Remus garbled, trying to think of an excuse to end the conversation more quickly, though he didn’t want to stop talking to Sirius at the same time.

‘Get busy not sleeping?’ Sirius proffered.

‘Yeah, that,’ Remus said, walking out of the bathroom hurriedly

 

* * *

 

‘You seem rather distracted,’ Lily said pointedly, at breakfast the next day as Remus casually poured pumpkin juice onto his copy of the Daily Prophet.

‘I’m just tired out with all of my homework and things. I want to do well in my OWLs,’ Remus replied.

Lily raised an eyebrow and muttered ‘Tergeo’, to try and salvage what was left of the now soggy newspaper.

‘Where are the others?’ Lily asked.

‘I assume by ‘others’ you mean James? They haven’t got up yet, Sirius once again brought some Firewhiskey up to the dorm last night. Who knows where he gets it from? So they’re all a bit groggy.’

Lily was visibly disappointed at this revelation but she and Remus were rather close, in that they both liked to stick to the rules and were fond of doing their homework as soon as they received it. So they usually ended up together at breakfast together most mornings and in fact most meals, because whenever Lily saw James, she was as close to him, as if someone had cast a sticking charm on their arms.

‘I don’t suppose there are any girls out there for you then? I haven’t seen you go out with anyone in goodness knows how long!’

‘Girls?’ Remus stammered, ‘No, no not at the moment,’ He said desperately trying to drop his voice to a lower pitch.

‘That, Remus is the sound of denial and by the spilling of your pumpkin juice. I’d say you like whoever it is a great deal.’

Remus tried to act casual, ‘I don’t think so Lily.’

‘If you’re convinced,’ Lily stated, strolling out of the great hall, ‘See you this evening for prefect duty!

 

* * *

 

Prefect duty came far sooner than Remus had anticipated. He hoped Lily wouldn’t start quizzing him again. He planned to keep the conversation light. If he needed to he would play what he called ‘the James card’. Sometimes, if he played it right, she would talk about him for a good half hour or so.

They’d been wandering out of the corridors, without any sign of a student breaking curfew, when Remus heard it; a sound emanating from one of the broom cupboards. It was always interesting to see what it was inside, more often than not it was usually a kidnapped care of magical creatures subject, which had been flung inside, ready to scare whoever opened the cupboard. Sometimes it was just a misplaced magical article and sometimes it was a student, or one should say students…

‘I think it’s your turn to open the closet,’ Lily whispered anxiously, ’The Niffler that was in there last time scared the living daylights out of me.’

Remus nodded at her and slowly put his hand out to open the cupboard door, by which point he was confident he could hear heavy breathing, by the time it was wide enough to see what was inside, he was confident it was two students. Then…then he knew it was Sirius avec une fille and the biggest part of him did not want to be confident about that. He immediately slammed the door and began to run down the corridor, wishing it had been any other student in there.

Once he’d put some distance between _that_ cupboard and himself, he slowed down ever so slightly, his heart pumping full-time and looked for an empty classroom he could go in for some breathing space. Walking the nearest room, he went to the farthest corner, sat down then proceeded to put his head in his hands. Lily swept in behind him.

‘How long?’ she uttered.

‘Leave me alone,’ Remus spat.

‘Not until you tell me how long,’ Lily said, pulling up a chair next to him.

‘Since the beginning of summer! Merlin! Probably longer. I’m disgusting. I like Sirius. I’m a bloody werewolf to top all of it off. He can’t ever find out or he’d never speak to me again.’

‘I’m sure he wouldn’t feel like that. You like guys, so what?’

‘Wait. So you don’t find it a big deal?’ Remus looked at Lily.

‘Of course not, if anyone has a problem with it then they can answer to me.’ This statement was highly threatening coming from the person who was top of the year in both charms and potions. The idea comforted Remus greatly.

‘You can’t tell anyone though! Sirius can never find out!’

‘Never find out what, mate?’ Sirius asked strolling into the room, casually, as if seconds before he hadn’t been discovered breaking curfew in a broom cupboard.

‘Oh great,’ Remus muttered sarcastically.

‘Come on, what’s up? You’ve been acting funny since we got back. Spit it out.’

Remus sat silently, staring at Sirius, hoping he’d leave soon. Or Lily. Or perhaps both of them. He just wanted to be on his own and cry to himself. He didn’t quite know how to achieve that now that a) One person in the room knew his secret and b) The other person _was_ part of his secret.

‘Balls,’ He muttered under his breath.

‘Balls.’ Sirius replied. ‘Got enough to tell me about what’s bothering you?

‘I’m in love with you for crying out loud!’ Remus yelled, as if pulling a pin from a grenade and throwing it in the most destructive direction. He then proceeded to run to the only place he thought he had a chance of being left alone… the Prefects’ Bathroom.

Once he had arrived, he sat at the edge of the bath, with his feet dangling. He tried to calm down and concentrate on his breathing, instead of wondering how many people Sirius would have told that one of his best mates wants to shag him. Before he knew it, tears were running down his face and he battled to wipe them off. He then turned as he heard a noise.

‘I do always appreciate you telling me the password, Moony. Better than the normal showers, ey?’ Sirius walked, grabbed a tissue from one side of the room and sat next to Remus. He then handed it to him, silently.

‘Are you pleased now then?’ Remus said defensively, trying not to look too grateful about being handed the tissue.

‘I am actually.’

‘So that you can tell everyone that I’m a queer and that you truly are irresistible to men and women alike?! The famous, most dashing, most handsome man in the magical community: Sirius Black!’ Remus listed a touch hysterically, whilst trying to dry his eyes.

‘Maybe so that I can actually admit to myself that every time I look in your eyes, I want to touch you, to listen to you talk, all day every day. The famous Sirius Black. The guy who’s dated pretty much every girl in our year. Desperate to shag his best mate. Desperate to believe that his best mate wants him as badly as he does. Trying to distract himself by meeting with random girls in broom cupboards and drinking Firewhiskey. But nothing helps. Nothing! ’ Sirius croaked, head in his hands. Then, slowly, lifting his head up, he turned and stared intently at a disbelieving Remus Lupin who stared just as intently back, as if looking for a reason why anyone as amazing as Sirius Black would want to date a werewolf.

‘There’s no way in hell that you like me! You like girls, so much so that you have to sit in the middle of us in lessons so that you don’t have a different heartbroken girl every lesson, weeping silently next to you, because you don’t like to have damp sleeves!’

‘Well it is annoying, the only person who knows a charm to dry them is Lily and we all know how much she loves me! Nevertheless, like I said I do it to take away from the fact that I can’t have you. Imagine if the whole year knows that I’m a queer, my whole reputation will be gone! I’ve been in love with you for the past few months. The hardest part was when Aunt Lucretia came and I couldn’t write to you, it was physically painful. I had to stop myself from crying at dinner every night!’ Sirius stopped suddenly and looked away again, embarrassed at his own revelation.

‘What the hell do we do?’ Remus asked.

‘Maybe this,’ Sirius wiped the last of Remus’ tears away, ‘or this,’ he put an arm around him, Remus simultaneously sliding his hand across Sirius’ back, ‘or perhaps this.’ He leaned over and kissed Remus. It wasn’t anything momentous. It wasn’t anything extraordinary. But it was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I don't own anything by JKR or CSL. Most regrettably not Narnia... Hope you enjoyed this!! Have a good whatever-time-of-day-it-is!! Thanks for reading


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